My proposed letter to the editor of the “Cincinnati Enquirer” is below. The letter was printed in the newspaper on February 18, 2016, on the editorial page.
I was saddened to hear about the fire that consumed the General Store in Rabbit Hash, KY. However, I was relieved to hear that nobody was harmed, including Lucy Lou, the mayor of Rabbit Hash. The local politician is also a candidate for President of the United States. She announced her run for U.S. president on September 5, 2015, at the Old Timers Day in Rabbit Hash.
Even though some of the presidential candidates are considered “dogs” by their opponents and many of the voters, Lucy Lou actually is a dog. She is a border collie, who has run the town of Rabbit Hash extremely well for the last seven years. She actually has spent more time in politics than some other candidates. Even Donald Trump cannot trump that.
What makes her such a doggone good candidate? She can run faster than any other candidate. She will not accept money from lobbyists. Her salary is dog food. She has been housebroken, unlike many of the other candidates. And in her last election, she defeated a jackass. Even Hillary Clinton seemed to offer support for Lucy when Hillary barked like a dog in one of her recent campaign speeches.